untitled.

A devil in a midnight mass

2007-11-18T10:17:00.000+08:00

A devil in a midnight mass,
He prayed behind stained glass
A memory of Sunday class
Resurrected from the past

A devil in a midnight mass
Killed the boy inside the man
The holy water in his hands
Can never wash away his sins

Hold your breath and count to four
Pinky swears don't work no more
Footsteps down the hallway floor
Getting closer to my door
I was alive but now I'm singing

Hold your breath and count to four
Pinky swears don't work no more
Put my trust in God that day
Not the man that taught his way
I was alive but now I'm singing

Silent night for the rest of my life
Silent night for the rest of my life
Violent knight at the edge of your knife
Forgive me father... Won't make it right
Silent night for the rest of my life
Silent night at the edge of your knife

Don`t Play, If It Isnt Your Game!

2007-11-14T23:15:00.000+08:00

Hello.. Its been a long time since i posted sumthing uh.. well uh. last tuesday, went down to cityhall with isaac to buy a bball shoe. yea. 99bucks. kinda expensive for a nike i guess.. hmm. after that we headed to this SAKURA food thingy. ate a super disgusting seafood friedrice. which cost 5bucks.. juz fried rice with 1 fishball, 1 egg and 2pcs of sotong and 1 prawn. yea. expensive n not delicious.. Gina came, n they bote ate some kinda beef horfun. looks nice but the portion is seriously stingy.. eew.

Off we went. to tanjong pagar.. to isaac`s Agel office.. well, it isnt really an office. cuz there was not really anything ard.. juz tables n chairs n some products. well. yea. product wasnt that amazing.. but still, i think its kinda new. and of cuz, im happy for my brother isaac. that he finally done network-marketing. ok wait. we`re from the different company. n mine doesn`t need to pay a single cent at all ^^ hahaha rite. so ivan thong came with his brother, n brought some lil girl along.. shes not pretty or cute at all.. pls.. how old onli, wear till like aunty, makeup like dunnoe wad? lol..

Headed to eunos after the talk, went for supper, but most of us didn`t eat anything.. ordered some drinks onli.. well im really glad, to know a new girl.. her name was GINA.. yes if u`re reading it.. well she left me a very very strong impression.. judging her from her height.. u would 1st think, aww u cannot be friends with her. cuz can`t communicate n all.. n she is quiet most of the time. but hell no!

Onced u touched her HOT BUTTON "no dirty thinking pls" woah.. i tell u.. she will share alot of things with u.. like really teach u wad to do and all yea.. well i think shes a good lady to be with.. juz gotta explore the ppl ard u.. u nv know when u will find good friends. like seriously man.. frens are everywhere.. its juz a few sentence away. n there u go! u got a new friend !

2007-11-04T23:29:00.000+08:00

A boy with brains. A boy who has his own life. A boy who only says what he means. A boy who doesn't tell you he will do anything to make you happy. A boy who knows fashion. A boy who doesn't care what others think of him. A boy with individuality. A boy with good manners. A boy that knows how to dance. A boy who loves music. A boy with perfect teeth. A boy with 24/7 good-looking hair. A boy with awesome personality. A boy that can socialize. A boy who knows when to be there and when to be gone. A boy who loves freedom just as much as you do. A boy who doesn't mind waiting for you because you`re late all the time. A boy that makes you happy without even trying.
A boy like this must be a boy from Mars.

Worship You Alone.

2007-11-04T23:00:00.000+08:00

Planet Shakers - Worship You Alone Lyrics

Your faithfulness never fails
Your faithfulness everyday
You're the same

Unfailing love sets me free
Unfailing love you lead me
With your hand

And all i know
With your arms around me
Your face is all that i seek
Your love and grace
Pick me up and hold me
You alone are holy

For you alone are great in power
You alone are my strong tower
And i will lift my heart and soul
To worship you alone

For you alone are my desire
You have set my heart on fire
And i will lift my heart and soul
To worship you alone
Worship you alone

And i will follow after you
For you are my desire
Oh jesus, my heart belongs to you

I Love You Lord

2007-11-04T22:45:00.000+08:00

The Lord is King let the earth rejoice,
Let the furthest islands be glad,
Clouds of darkness surrounds Him.
In righteousness and justice,
Are his foundation of His Throne.
Fire goes forth before Him and burns up all His foes.
His lightning flashes out across the world,
And the world sees n trembles.
The mountains melt like wax before the Lord before the Lord of all the earth.
The heavens declare His righteousness and every nation sees His glory.
Those who worship idols are disgrace.
And all who brags about their worthless gods.
Forever every god must bow to Him.
And all the city are glad,
Because of Your justice Lord.
For You are Lord,
The most high.
Above all the earth.
Amen

2007-09-30T15:11:00.001+08:00

Do you know why New Changi Hospital (NCH) changed its name to Changi General Hospital (CGH)?
Because NCH stands for "Never Come Home". That's why business was very bad before it changed its name.
Now CGH stands for "Can Go Home". So business is picking up.
Business in SingaporeGeneralHospital (SGH) is still going strong because SGH stands for "Sure Go Home"!
Now Nat ional University Hospital (NUH) is also considering a name change. It stands for "No Use Hospital"!
What about TanTockSengHospital (TTSH). Not too good a name, no wonder so much problem.
It stands for " TiamTiamSiHospital " and now ' TanTeoSARsHospital ".
So, be careful of choosing which hospital to go if anyone is unwell.

2007-09-30T15:06:00.001+08:00

AS AN EMPLOYEE, ...

* the biggest motivation is salary

* the unluckiest thing is promotion without salary adjustment

* the most "shiok" thing is you don't work anyhow also get pay increment

* the greatest talent is "carry big stuff"

* the greatest mistake is to argue with your boss

* the most demoralising thing is to receive salary late

* the most pitiful thing is you did not get your salary and your boss ran away

* the happiest thing is you become your boss' boss

* the cleverest thing is you are late but boss doesn't know

* the stupidest thing is you publicly say that you are lazy

* the most common thing is - the boss says something but means another

* the proudest thing is you sack your boss

* the most "rugi" thing is you work hard but your colleague takes the credit

* the most dangerous thing is to become a "two-headed" snake

* the biggest satisfaction - sending e-mail like this during office hours!! heheheheheheheh....

2007-09-30T15:03:00.001+08:00

you think we want to?
We've got this gift of love, but love is like a precious plant. You can't just accept it and leave it in the cupboard or just think it's going to get on by itself. You've got to keep watering it. You've got to really look after it and nurture it.

i've leant sth-
Don't ever give up if you still want to try, don't ever wipe your tears if you still want to cry. Don't ever settle for an answer if you still want to know. Don't ever say you don't love him if you can't let him go.
its guys like this -You said you didn't want to see me get hurt, so does that mean you closed your eyes when I cried?- that sucked.

Some people say the worst way to miss someone is when they are right next to you and you know you can't have them, but it's worse when you thought you didn't want them anymore and then all of a sudden you realize you can't live without them.

If the human body can live with food and water, then why does it feel like I can't live without you?
You will never forget your first love. That's what makes it so special. You love so hard, so deeply, and so intensely because you don’t know any different. It's the best until it is over. Then you hurt like you've never been hurt before. Eventually you love again, but you love differently. You will love more carefully, more cautiously. Just know that there is so much more love waiting for you, but there will always only be one first.

The worst pain in the world is knowing that he meant everything to you but you meant nothing to him. But, life goes on once you realize your own strength inside of you: the strength to realize that saying goodbye doesn't mean that you don't love the person anymore or that you don't want to keep them in your life. It doesn't mean you're weak. It means that you've the strength to let go and live your life to the fullest because you've learned that life really is good. You are strong and can only be as happy as you choose.

Have you even been in love? Horrible, isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses. You build up this whole armor, for years, so nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life .... You give them a piece of you. They don't ask for it. They do something dumb one day like kiss you, or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so a simple phrase like maybe we should just be friends or how very perceptive turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination; not just in the mind, it's a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.

Attractions

2007-09-12T01:41:00.000+08:00

Somethings you knew before u arrived,
Inspiration to create the life of your dreams.
I am from the beginning
A creator
Born to make dreams reality
Living the ultimate life possible for me
I am free to choose wad i make matter
I focus on wad i want.
I desire experiences
Memorable experiences
Qualty experiences
New choices for my day
I feel the flow of courageous heards and expansive minds
I expect exhilarating conversations
With extraordinary people
I am transforming my life
Rediscovering myself
Following my bliss
Creating my life of dreams
Companionship
Convenience
Comfort
Clarity
Creativity
Connection
Communication
First i find joy
The best i can give you
With music that stirs my soul
I taste the deliciousness of the moment
Smell the freashness of a new day
Let my spirit be touched
Appreciate an eye popping experience
Life is fun!
A feast for the senses
My passion shines through
I am vision in action
I am getting where i want to be quickly
My intentions are powerful
My well being is natural
I am wonderful
Taste the life you imagine
I create the life of my dreams
I am gratefull
Thank you
I love you

twisted innards..

2007-09-09T17:08:00.001+08:00

In the darkness, he asks himself, "Did God make me this way? Did God do this to me? Did he make me do it?" And he looks down. Down at his hollowness. His twisted innards. And thinks, "This is me. This is me for life. I have to do it. So he has to lie there in the cold dark, amongst all those smells and the bent reflections, he has to lie there and be what he is. He has to accept. But it's different when he's doing it. When he answers. Justifies his utility. When he fulfils his purpose. When he is. His head spins and his arms rise. When he's tearing. Then it all makes sense. Then he has a purpose. Just before the wrenching. The heave. Like he was born to it. Like it was what was expected. He only needed God for the darkness. He never blamed you. He never once judged, or smiled with the smooth, patronising corner of his mouth. He left it all to God. Then it's God who's doing it. His creator. Our tearer. That's why he never gets to drink. God won't let him. God wants it all for himself.

How to handle rejection

2007-09-09T16:39:00.000+08:00

Getting that first date. Asking the girl or guy out. Actually talking to a girl or guy for the first time and so on.... The holy grail of terror. For many of us, you would think that date rejection is the same as life imprisonment, the electric chair or a slow painful death. Especially grown men who every day fight fires, subdue bad guys, tame wild animals, master mega corporations, jump out of airplanes or slay dragons, but cower in fear at the thought of asking the girl of their dreams out for a night.Here are some tips that may help you to handle a rejection the better way.

Expect rejection. It will happen. Think of it as fishing where you know you will have to put your line in the water many times, try many different baits and numerous fishing holes before you make a catch.
When rejection occurs, do not take it personal. The most successful date makers laugh in the face of rejection and simply try again. If you gave up that easily in fishing, you would never catch anything.
Pick you hunting grounds carefully. Do not expect high success rates in singles bars and dance clubs. The game is most wary in these places. Try normal, everyday, common places instead.
Sincere is good. Appearing needy is bad. Do not try so hard. A slight air of non-chalant or independence has an attractive quality to it that appeals to the opposite sex.
Expand your horizons. If you must date only the best looking guys or prettiest girls, your rejection rate is going to be much higher. The more you date, the more skilled you will become and besides, there is no known correlation between physical appearance and dates that are the most fun.

To the Guys. Many girls find it to be a positive trait in guys who date girls who are less than stunningly beautiful. This shows that you are sincere and not shallow. Guys on the other hand, while not considering it necessarily negative, simply are unable to comprehend why beautiful girls would and do date less than the best looking guys. Guys usually think the reason is because it is because the guy either has lots of money or is exceptionally good in bed. Although those may be possible reasons, it usually does not occur to the male species, that females or more likely to consider other positive traits besides physical appearance. If guys would play by the same rules, they would get a whole lot more dates.
Use pre-packaged pickup lines sparingly or not at all. When you do use them, put the sexual references back in the joke can. Instead of wasting your time on trite pick-up lines, think of instead of using conversational and situation icebreakers.

why is this happening?

2007-09-06T02:41:00.000+08:00

this few days, im really really down. my grandma was admitted into hospital. and till now, serene is not replying me. shes obviously avoiding me.. i don`t know wad is wrong with her, nor do i know wad she is thinking. but i juz wanna tell u that, lets juz be friends. stay on, n we`ll fight together... im very very jealous of u hanging with bengish friends. i don`t want u to go out with those kinda ppl.. i wanna give u wad u want. i wanna do things for u. i wanna send and walk u home. i wanna make u feel comfortable.. BUT, y won`t u give me this chance? What am i to u now? i juz want an answer.. if u`re not returning to company, becuz of me. den i know wad should i do. this is ur business, this is ur career. pls don`t make me feel this way, like im destroying u. cuz i really don`t know wad i got to say to jordan for causing this. I know its my fault to actually like u right from the start. but some feelings are juz, not in my control.. its juz that special energy that both of us gave. Yes, i may not be ur boyfriend, but i really wanna see u happy. walk in the light.. be honest and stay with good friends. i won`t say that im a very good person. but i`ll do my best to protect u, like how i had been doing to u.

Give me this chance, to repay for wad i did. i really hope u would come back. and if u`re actually reading this message, i hope u would give me a reply. i don`t wish to see u fall. Don`t procrastinate.. a successful person nv will.. SO please, won`t u juz stay.. I believe every1 will help u! including me!

Tommorrow, will be my 1st time going for a presentation for my personal sales appointment. i really really wanna have my ME position.. don`t worry. wad happened, won`t affect much.. but i still hope i can prove it to u once again that wad im capable of. So, Well, i`ll have to slp early.. and i wish to see a smile on ur face. i wanna see u turning back n tok to me. be my friend. Give me juz another chance will you?

hahaha

2007-09-04T00:50:00.000+08:00

hahaha, so long since i last blog. ok la, alot of things happened. my car was stolen, my gf dump me, my wallet went dry. tsk tsk. see. kelian rite. ok la, i joined VE too. yea, make money.. n partialy serene la, wanna get closer to her. but she avoiding me now. wth lors. im so sad la.. but aiya now i got jessandra lixuan miss siying.. they treat me very good de. and hor! my team, got some **** faced. LOL! i sumtimes dun like how they speak la. i won`t say much la. den got another 1, ask from him cigg, he say NO.. den he ask for drinks from me. guess wad, I OSO SAY NO! str8 into his face. HAHA that feeling is damn SONGBOH?! hahaha. yea la. ytd went to ubin la, that stupid mr **** like that treat his fellow comrades. tsk tsk. nvm im gonna boycott him. anyway. lixuan n jessandra are like my newest good fren la.. anything can share with them de. AND YA KIANHWEE!! lol. i no money, he`ll borrow me 1st de. lol. this kinda frens, muz treasure. cuz in this cruel society, these are the onli friends u could trust and rely on.. AND I WANNA EAT SUSHI!

i stilldun understand why

2007-08-10T14:15:00.000+08:00

I dun`t know wad am i thinking right know,but all i know is im seriously growing n developing feelings for her.. is like, some imes i`ll goemo over her.but usually she doenst feels the same about wad i feel to her. Mr Zhitao, said to me.. if i takes someone to fall to learn, by all means, go ahead. but im not very sure if she has any feelings for me.. i some what think that theres other guys going after her. which i think is also from our group BLUE RHINO. hmm.. xuan told me tat i didnt seen him b4.. so im guessing its either adrian or jordan..

AIYA!! i dunnoe wad to say abt her already.. maybe i`ll juz quit my job, and juz stop seeing her.. maybe this willbe beter uh? zhang tong bu ru duan tong..

2007-08-09T03:40:00.000+08:00

i had never love some1 in my life, so deeply b4. or shall i say, i have not really LOVED any1 b4. i don`t know. but serene made an impact on me. but i guess its juz flirting. trying to get me into VE? cuz im her 1st downline? i don`t know seriously. I cried, (so stupid) for her.. not accepting my love for her.. haha guess wad. on that same night, i asked her out to slack awhile, she missed her bus, and i had to call my fren to join us to slack, cuz she doesn`t feel comfortable being with 1 guy in the night. we went out, slack do wadever we wanted to. morning, treat her breakfast, cracked her eggs for her, wait for her to get into the bus n went home.. 2days later, meet her again, played mahjong, next day, meet her again, slack under her house, help massage her shoulders. waiting to go home, when she saw sum1 peeping at her at the stairs. accompanied her n comforted her not to worry, that i`ll send her right to her doorstep. went up, wanting to hear a thankyou, or even a hug. but nth happened. maybe she was too scared. Let me tell u sumthing.. im too in loved with her.. but i won`t give up, till sumthing happens. TMl will be my sales appointment, and if it fails, i`ll quit VE, cuz im too afraid to see her again, knowing that i`ll be hurt even deeply.. so as to avoid such, i`ve made a bet. BUT if i closed the deal, im sure theres much more things for me to do.. maybe she stills want me. (she nv wanted me b4)
So Lord, do wadever seems fit.. My life is in your hands.

U can die bernard!

2007-08-09T03:36:00.000+08:00

Bernard.. u can go and die la. u love her ppl don`t love you. got wad use. and bernard, if u don`t close ur deal in the SA tml. Thats it, U`re leaving. and u swear not to see or tok to her again.. ppl juz don`t need you, and doesn`t need you. maybe making use of u oso! FLirting back with you onli.. DONT THINK SO MUCH BERNARD! cuz I AM BERNARD!

i feel better..

2007-07-27T01:27:00.002+08:00

Thanks Melissa for listening to me, and actually, answering my questions and doubts. Well i gotta say that she`s really a good listener, and of cuz a motivator. Shes pretty strong on the outside, but deep down, i think she`s sorta weak too. (thats wad her blog said).. She gets emo too like i do, but sometimes, being emo, is not a bad thing. It somehows let u feel and understand yourself tru the quiet n sad time u spend alone. As for me, i think i have attitude problems. its like, so what if im moody or angry, it doesn`t meant that i could juz anyhow shoot my words or vent my fustrations on any1. and i wanna say sorry to karen. Its my fault to say such things, not being able to understand u n putting myself in yr shoes. im deeply regret my actions. im sorry.

Talked to Mel that same night, tell her wad i`ve did, n asked her how could i change for the better. well, she gave me some Bible verses to read tru.

Imitating Christ's Humility

1If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, 2then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. 3Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. 4Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.

Philippians 2 : 1 - 4

It might make no sense to normal people, but it sorta teaches u, not to be selfish. But to put others infront of you. Think in their shoes, n not onli of yourself.

Well, i may not be any super holy Christian, but i wouldn`t stop in becoming more like Jesus. I`m sure God will help me with everything. I trust You..

So, Mel, as i mentioned earlier in ur blog, abt the song.. its here. Enjoy, the lyrics are in the bottom..

The song which express how i feel for almost 2weeks..

"Dance With The Devil" - Breaking Benjamin

Here I stand, helpless and left for dead.

Close your eyes, so many days go by.
Easy to find what's wrong, harder to find what's right.

I believe in you, I can show you that I can see right through all your empty lies.

I won't stay long, in this world so wrong.

[Chorus:]
Say goodbye, as we dance with the devil tonight.
Don't you dare look at him in the eye, as we dance with the devil tonight?

Trembling, crawling across my skin.
Feeling your cold dead eyes, stealing the life of mine.

I believe in you, I can show you that I can see right through all your empty lies.

I won't last long, in this world so wrong.

[Chorus]

Hold on. Hold on.

[Chorus]

Hold on. Hold on.

Goodbye.

2007-07-24T04:28:00.000+08:00

I sometimes wonder, why in the world would i need so much and want so much things.. Haolian to ppl? Learn more things? spend more money? i don`t know seriously. its like, i`ve so much things i like for example, riding my bike, playing the guitar, bball, slacking ard like an useless lard. Shit man.. Its kinda hard, or shall i say im lazy.. Working, finding extra time to do things that i like, n get emo over useless things.. Well i told myself that im not gonna have a relationship now.. I wanna concentrate on my work, my career.. Its like, if im not working or earning stable income, its more like my father is giving money to my girl, instead of me giving her things she want. It isn`t fair right? Bernard, pls grow up.. Mentally! Yup, i listen to alot of emo songs every now and then, if not i`ll be listening to some super progressive,hardcore metal.. I don`t think that any Christians would do that. but, im not satanic or am i a satan worshiper..

I have to say, I am "still" discovering and developing the talents God gave me and God is using those talents in ways I would have never expected.. Its juz a matter of time, when will i discover it, and when will i use it. Maybe, im already applying it now already. who knows, onli God knows. Make me cry Lord, for your love.. Help me, to go back to you.. right beside you.. U never leave me nor forsaken me despite me being a sinner. U know my darkest secret don`t you? I really hope, that i`ll be a better person when i wake up.. Knowing my aim for the day.. catch me when i fall..

Dear God, please help me, make a way for me.. I know you would..

Take heart and be strong in the Lord for He is all-loving and powerful. He works ALL things for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purposes. Romans 8:28

Today.

2007-07-21T22:14:00.000+08:00

Hello, to all who`re reading my blog.(i don`t think any1 does. Its ok)
How are u feeling today? well, im pretty tired, after lotsa running ard doing delivery, nah, not a company, but my aunt. HAHA! she left her bag at a medical hall near my place, n she stays up north! so i had to go to the medical hall, grab the bag, bring it to her @ her place. n was treated with duck rice. Mmm. long time nv eat duck rice liao. HAHA! well, went to visit winson, he`s still the same thou.. didn`t really plan for his future. HAHA, but he`s a good fren. thou we sometimes quarrel over stupid things. ( i provoked it) haha.

Sold off my bike like a few days back. hmm, n actually stripped my computer, the old 1. the proccessor burnt, videocard not working, fans shut off for no reason.. haha, guess i overclocked it too much. hmm, fret not, im gonna build myself a new CPU! haha. but, not anytime soon.. im gonna focus on work. Yepyep! Moon jie has introduced me to this "place" where most of them, are kinda "unfriendly" i guess. The working environment wasnt so good nor at least, not up to my expectations. well, wad im gonna need now is money money n more money.. b4 i go NS, i would like to earn as much money as possible.

So, this monday, im gonna go down to meet her in the office again, n tats when i actually start work! Went to Hogs Breath ytd with calvin, wahh, let me tell u, the food, wasn`t that bad, n it wasn`t so good as well. guess how much we paid? $61 bucks + gst n $5 service charge inculded! like WTH! there wasnt any service man! they simply act blur when i waved at them for more water. tsk tsk. i wanna complain! haha.. i kinda like the steak n the mashed potatoes. Im kinda hungry by thinking wad i ate. hahaha. well its quite a nice n romantic places.. alot of caucasians go there too, cuz its @ chimes, or however u spell it. haha.well, i would recon that couples go there for at least once, its a nice nice place to really get both of u going. with a lil beer @ happy hour, or some red wine with some steak. AIRFLOWN! hahaha. i would rate it 7/10 hahaha, cuz im sure there is much more nicer places out there which i`ve yet to visit.

I wanna buy my new guitar ytd with calvin, but unfortunately, we were late after dinner.. didn`t expect them to close like 8pm? tats so so stupid. so earli close! hahaha. so im gonna plan. sunday, meet chengsiong to peninsula, ok the spelling looks like penis-sula. HAHA! yep, meeting him to go buy some clothes and shop around. haven`t been in contact with him for quite some time already man.. And i noticed, that alot of my friends are attached. and im still single! oh man.. haha, but im not gonna rush.. i`ll need to find sum1 that really loves me, and not for other reasons.. hahha. Right, im gonna stop here. gotta get back to work! Seeya!

Ima Bullshit. HAHA(copyrights Khloe)

yes yes!

2007-07-19T10:05:00.000+08:00

wahaha, i haven`t been blogging for quite a few days liao. lol. we`ll start from hmm, ytd. which is 18th july. lol. went down to SLS - simlimsquare.. wahh, let me tell u. i think it had become another mustafa shopping centre! lol. alot of ppl there la. and so sad, i cannot find this old product for my cpu. kingston ddr sdram. =( haiis. i might have to go there again now? lol..

and yes, i`ll be meeting calvin low, we`re going to davis to get myself a new guitar. haha. hopefully i don`t spend so much money. cuz its hard to earn them. haha. okk i shall stop. since no1 gives a shit abt my blog. =\ so be it.

Wishful Thinking

2007-07-16T06:07:00.000+08:00

For those of you, who doesn`t know me well enuff.. What do u think i am? What sort of person i am? Whats ur 1st impression (of me) if u remembered. Well im sad enough to say that, it may not look the same as u wished. Well Bernard is a guy, who is very emotional. I must say, im not a very filial child. There are times, i looked back on what i did, and i could really say, such actions are not abled to be tolerated. But, since i have done it, its hard to rewind, or even undo it. Life isn`t like computers, where u faced an error, u could juz simply CTRL ALT DEL. I wished i could. But no. To me, Life is boring, life is sad, full of misery, full of hatred and pain. Why will i have such thinking? Is it becuz i don`t have the correct friends? or is it i spend too much time alone, and thinking abt the wrong stuffs. I really don`t understand..

One fine day came, i was seriously too into this particular girl, whom now, turned my life upside down. From a man of his dreams, to a good for nothing kinda guy. Why am i being beaten down by such a failure? instead, i should learn my mistake and stand up after falling.. I will say, for now, i won`t get into any relationships, cuz i know i don`t have a stable career, i don`t have the correct mindset. Both of us will eventually suffer.

Most girls, will say, i don`t mind ur looks, and how poor you are when they really want to get near to you. (which doesn`t happen to me frequently) Yes, i noe t here are such good girls ard. But, majority of them had another objective. They make u fall in love with them so deeply, and den throw u away when u`re down. YEP! juz like that. they make use of you!Im so sad already.. ANd s uch ppl do such things to you. How will you feel?

I sometimes feel lonely. I sorta, choose my friends. and most of them, doesn`t really ARE my frens. they sorta make use of you, untill they get everything, they enjoyed themselves, and den, say bye to you.. i won`t name them, but they were a bunch of so called "brothers" den. Hmm,.. i dunnoe wads the point of posting this, maybe i don`t have some1 who will understand me to talk to.

I get emo alot of time, b4 i slp, after i wake up. my life is literally screwed up. BY ME. yes. I won`t blame any1 for causing this, but 1 thing for sure, i will say is, how my family brought me up. i will say, its the wrong way of bringing up a child. My family and i, we seldom communicate, sit down n talk, or even have dinner together. This house im living in, is more like a place for me to slp, rather den a place for me to share my tots, and my feelings. I really don`t know what to do.

I`ve got alot of hobbys, i dream big, thats good, BUT, i don`t make the 1st step. I`m still idling. And i realy hate this. I need to get a life of my own. I need to be independent! Im not earning alot of money.. i barely support myself with juz a few hundreds per month. How am i gonna support a girl if i ever had a girlfriend? Some ppl will say, Bernard, u`re so rich! u got this this that that. But, where the money comes from? i won`t say its 100% all my money, but maybe 60% to 70%.. My parents isn`t supportive, and they`re too old to even understand my genaration`s thinking. And our lifestyle. This is where the problem comes in. For example, Computers, they don`t use computers, and they won`t know how fragile the computer is, how hard is it to maintain and catch up with time. My computer, is already 6years old. all i did, was upgrade to 512mb of ram. it was still able to support my unit den. But now, its totally diff. its getting slower n slower as each minutes pass. I would den, have to save money, and upgrade it.

Like i said, i won`t blame any1. Its all my fault. Who ask me, quit sch already, dun1 to go n work? instead, spent my money to go study some stupid shit. which doesn`t make me who i wanted to be. Its the society thats so cruel nowadays. No certificates, u can`t go anywhere. where else, if u have like a PHD, u`re more likely to be welcomed anywhere on the face of th e earth. Now, i would concentrate on sliming down, and get prepared for NS. yea, its tough n waste of time, but this is our country, we must ourselves defend it. =) And of cuz, im so so into guitars and bikes. I would not say im good at both, but im trying to be one. Pls drop comments, if u have something to say.. i won`t be in a defensive or offensive mode, but instead i`ll listen to advices, but will choose if i have to follow it or not. =) Yup. thats abt it. I hope i`ll get better day by day! In God i trust.

My Misery

2007-07-14T22:34:00.000+08:00

I write the lines you want me to, with the words.
I dare to use of all the ones that you have taught me, along the years.

You cast a perfect shadow on the paper.
Fade away with sunlight, I fear the way you know me, love can leave a stain...

You steal my only hope and make me stay awake another night.
I wish you bear with me, stay near me.
When the autumn leaves have fallen. Solitude, my pain, the last thing left of me...

Seven lonely lies written on Deadwinter's night,
open the only book with the only poem I can read...
In blood I sign my name and seal the midnight with a tear.
Burn the paper, every line for them I cried...

If you fall I'll catch, if you love I'll love, and so it goes, my dear, don't be scared,
you'll be safe, this I swear.
If you only love me back.

I am the Playwrite and you are my Crown, make me cry for your love,
like you've done many times, so I know.
I can't write these storylines without you, lady pain, make me strong,
can't we be together without them forever...

The words I write can only hurt you, sorry for the rain.
Thank you, my only one, you gave me this pain...I leave you gently on the floor,
take one step towards the door.
Where's the letter never written, good night now...

If you fall I'll catch, if you love I'll love, and so it goes, my dear, don't be scared,
you'll be safe, this I swear.
If you only love me back.
If you only love me back.

something interesting

2007-07-12T03:35:00.000+08:00

In 274, Emperor Aurelian designated December 25 as the festival of
Sol Invictus (the "unconquered sun").
Aurelian may have chosen this date because the solstice was considered
the birthday of Mithras, a syncretic god of Per origin. Mithras is
often identified with Sol Invictus, although Sol was originally a
separate Syrian god.

Whatever vision Constantine may have experienced, he attributed his
victory to the power of "the God of the Christians" and committed
himself to the Christian faith from that day on, although his
understanding of the Christian faith at this time was quite
superficial. It has often been supposed that Constantine's profession
of Christianity was a matter of political expediency more than of
religious conviction;

upon closer examination this view cannot be
sustained. Constantine did not receive baptism until shortly before
his death (see below). It would be a mistake to interpret this as a
lack of sincerity or commitment; in the fourth and fifth centuries
Christians often delayed their baptisms until late in life.

2007-07-11T04:31:00.002+08:00

Morning! its 4.30am now on a cold wednesday morning..
and im listening to power metal. haha. how sweet. well,
im not actually a big fan of metal, but i sumhow like how
the guitarist shreds. and the melody is nice, juz tat its
too noisy. haha. girls might not like.

hmm, karen, don`t be too upset over wad had happened
ok. juz, be grateful and appreciate wad u have now! well
if any1 bullys u, u noe wad to do right? =) u`re smart enuff.
haha. well, looks like im typing a testimony instead. haha.
anyway, im kinda feeling bloated. i dunnoe why. muz be
i`ve eaten too much garlic or onions durring dinner. and
now im farting. hahaha. *pouts*

i`ll be heading to portsdown later, at ard 2pm? needa get
back all my skills and improve them.. haven`t been riding
alot since i started work. well, im going to finish my job
so so soon! haha. and pls, im looking for another new job.
AND somehow i feel lonely. HAHA i dunnoe y.. maybe
becuz someone had gone out of my life.. well, i think
im gonna needa find a girlfriend real quick. its sad without
love yea. so guys and girls, ohh i mean, girls onli,
pls shower me with love and care. HAHA

alrightys, im gonna stop here. don`t wanna crap so much
already. see you peepos ard!
take care have a nice dayyy!! muahahaha.. =))

2007-07-10T04:31:00.000+08:00

Darling
Look what you've done to me
You left me standing here alone
With a memory

And baby
I was too blind to see
That you were the best thing
That happened to me

But if loving you means letting go
Then I'll just turn and walk away
Babe,I wish I could

Turn back the hands of time
Somehow change your mind
All I need is one more try
Baby I wish that you were mine

I lie awake
I can't sleep at night
Wondering where you are
And who's holding you

Bright lights
Down on the streets below
Reminds me of the fun we had
The places we used to go

But if loving you means letting go
Well I'll just turn and walk away
But I'll never walk away
I wish I could

Turn back the hands of time
Somehow change your mind
If I could just hold you
One more time
I wanna hold you
One more time
Darling I wish that you were mine
I wish that you were mine

yep!

2007-07-10T01:16:00.000+08:00

YESYES! So happy. hahaa. Thanks KHROE lol =x for helping n teaching me so much stuffs bout blogging. i think its not easy to really create a blog. but well, now i noe already. hahaha.. this blog`s gonna cost alot uh.. sushi meal. i bring u go buffet 1 la. each person 30+ nia. cheapcheap =p